Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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