Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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