Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
