Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
