Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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