Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
