I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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