I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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