I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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