omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize