Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
vagina is talking i cant
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
