check it out our google latitudes are spooning
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
