I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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