so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
