Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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