So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
