Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
