no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
