I hate all girls vehemently.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
