It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
