Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
