shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
