so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
When did we convert life to cartoon?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
