we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
