Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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