I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
