??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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