just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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