He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
