is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
im six kinds of drunk right now
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
