You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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