Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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