imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Enjoy the penises
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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