EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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