I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
