I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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