Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
