He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
