My hand turned me down
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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