On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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