My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
