can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
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