if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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