READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
