OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
