Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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