I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
