Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
