He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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