Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
