Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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