i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
