why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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