I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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