Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
