I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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