i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
