nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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