There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
