i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
