Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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