You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
