Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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