On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
