Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
