Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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