She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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